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Apocalypse Coffee

Posted on April 03 2019

In ReadyMan Challenge Three, where essentially everyone falls to pieces in an apocalypse scenario, it all comes down to morale.

In the reality TV show, The Colony, the contestants willingness to cooperate, rises and falls on the promise of coffee.

In the end, coffee and booze might be the key to keeping a survival community from one another’s throats. Yet coffee doesn’t keep well on the shelf, and it’s grown nowhere in the continental United States. Must we live without it? I’m thinking God is not so cruel.

Here are Four Levels to adapting your coffee in the Apocalypse:

Coffee Prepper Level: Evan Hafer (CEO Black Rifle Coffee.) 

Store Green Bean and Roast It Yourself. 

According to an expert coffee grower in Guatemala, green coffee bean will usually maintain it’s flavor if stored in Grainpro bags and in burlap. This requires that you roast your own bean, which requires a coffee roaster as well—preferably not one that requires electricity. Given the cost of coffee, this method requires faithful rotation of your green bean stockpile, which means roasting on a regular basis. If you’re willing to go this far for coffee in the apocalypse, you might be obsessive compulsive. Just sayin'. Here’s another possible source of storable green bean. (untested).


Coffee Prepper Level: Fancy-pants Prepper.

Store Roasted Whole Coffee Bean and Rotate. 

Though aficionados will scoff, some hold that whole bean roasted coffee retains most of its flavor if frozen for less than two years. If you freeze a year’s supply, and then rotate it as it approaches a year on the shelf, there should only be degradation of flavor a true connoisseur would notice. When the freezer shuts down in the apocalypse, your mylar-bagged coffee will defrost and the clock will start ticking. After that year of fresh coffee, suicide may be an option worth considering. Or freeze dried.


Coffee Prepper Level: Stone Cold Survivor.

Stock Freeze Dried Coffee.

Properly sealed and protected, freeze dried coffee lasts a long, long time. Maybe twenty-five years, according to Patriot Pantry. We suspect that any freeze dried, properly stored, might last this long. But, don’t count on grocery store packaging. Tests done by folks in the ReadyMen Group (free signup here) prove that not all consumer packaging of coffee keeps over time. If you’re a godless heathen (like the author) who mixes abominations with their coffee, don't forget to store sugar and dry creamer.

Coffee Prepper Level: Barely Hanging On.

Harvest and brew Chicory.

While chicory has no caffeine, the root grows wild in the United States. Throughout history, when coffee became scarce, people added roasted chicory root to their coffee to make it stretch. Some even drank roasted and brewed chicory straight once coffee had vanished.

Harvesting and Brewing Chicory: 

  • Wash the chicory roots until they’re completely clean of soil; no-one wants crunchy coffee. Dry the roots thoroughly with kitchen towel or place in the sun to dry out naturally.
  • Take a sharp chef’s knife and mince the chicory roots to form one-inch cubes. You don’t need to peel the roots.
  • Lay the pieces of chicory root out onto a baking sheet. Cook the chicory in your oven – set the temperature to 350 F – until the chicory turns golden brown.
  • Set the baking sheet and chicory aside and allow to cool completely.

Allow me to emphasize: coffee doesn’t grow anywhere in the continental United States. This might be a good reason to move your BOL to Hawaii. Among the “morale boosting preps” coffee would be at the top of many of our lists, especially if we’ll be expected to man LP/OPs against the marauding hordes (Listening Posts/Observation Posts) in the cold of winter. 

Hopefully, this blog will help keep you sane. Coffee saves lives (in the morning.)

 
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    1 comment

    • David: April 04, 2019

      Here in Central Texas, there is a common Bush called yaupon, ir yaupon holly. Its leaves are high in caffeine, and it has a pleasant taste. Good, plentiful and free coffee substitute. Google yaupon for more info. Same plant is used for ornamental bushes and hedges.

      https://images.app.goo.gl/Aszz46fiJ4eMypM4A

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